Bank Letter

[Darren Jeffries]

THIS IS GREAT.  I BELIEVE IT SHOULD BE MANDATORY

READING FOR ALL BUSINESSES INTERACTING WITH

CLIENTS.

 

This 86-year old lady's letter to bank shown

below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank.

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have

it published in the New York Times.

 

Dear Sir:

 

 

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my

check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last

month.  By my calculations, three nanoseconds must

have elapsed between his presenting the check and

the arrival in my account of the funds needed to

honor it.

 

 

 

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the

inconvenience caused to your bank. 

 

 

 

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, but when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.  From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

 

 

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and

hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at

your bank, by check, addressed personally and

confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you

must nominate.  Be aware that it is an offense under the

Postal Act for any other person to open such an

envelope.

 

 

 

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.  I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but inorder that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

 

 

Please note that all copies of his or her medical

history must be countersigned by a Notary Public,

and the mandatory details of his/her financial

situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)

must be accompanied by documented proof.

 

 

 

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue

your employee with a PIN number which he/she must

quote in dealings with me.  I regret that it cannot

be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled

it on the number of button presses required of me to

access my account balance on your phone bank

service.  As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

 

 

 

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

 

 

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*)

BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

 

 

#1. To make an appointment to see me

 

 

#2. To query a missing payment.

 

# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in

case I am there.

 

 

# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in

case I am sleeping.

 

 

 

# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case

I am attending to nature.

 

 

 # 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone

if I am not at home

 

 

 #7. To leave a message on my computer, a

password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

 

 

 # 8. To return to the main menu and to listen

to options 1 through 7.

 

 

# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the

attention of my automated answering service.

 

 

# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for

English. While this may, on occasion, involve a

lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the

duration of the call regrettably, but again

following your example, I must also levy an

establishment fee to cover the setting up of this

new arrangement.

 

 

 

May I wish you a happy, if ever so

slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client,

 

 

(Remember: This was written by an

86 year old woman)

 

 

 

 'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE " US SENIORS" !!!!!

 

 

And remember; Don't make old ladies mad. They

don't like being old in the first place, so it

doesn't take much to set them off.